Sgt. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. "What happened to the Duke of York?" I've taken all the necessary precautions. It's going like clockwork. Isaac Bashevis Singer We were born with natural rights. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, the Baron was clever alright but not quite clever enough. Louis LeBeau: Under the Geneva Convention, I don't have to teach you to dance. The weather is getting a little nippy. Hans Georg Schultz: Well Colonel Hogan asked me if he could leave the camp tonight again to see the baroness. 'Achtung' is a command. Hogan: Oh, yeah. Lurch let in cragnik.". Sgt. Cpl. "Funny Thing Happened on the Way to London" has as Canadian Lloyd Bochner playing dual roles as an Englishman and a German. If my head is to roll, all heads will roll. Honestly, I could cry. Officer: But Herr General, I've not even greeted you yet! Sgt. We don't need civil rights. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I have been working on him, Herr General. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You're the same bunch of guys that put him in business. For me? But the major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program. Quotes [repeated line, indicating Colonel Hogan] Major Hochstetter : WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? It's not big enough to stand up in, and it is not big enough to lie down in. : [puts her arms around him, kisses him], Lady Leslie Chitterly: Come, Robert. I'm sorry you missed it, Major, it was a great party. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Right, Colonel. [points to the white wire], Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Cuts the black wire, the bomb stops ticking]. Andrew Carter: [dressed as Klink] Maybe you better run through it once more. If we're wrong, what are they going to do? [Klink brags that he is in tip-top physical shape]. But, that's not the worst thing we did. Cpl. Thank you. What makes you think he's fat? Major Hochstetter a character not in the main cast was played by an American actor, as was French resistance leader Tiger. Col. Robert E. Hogan Firing? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I distinctly told you Wednesday, not Tuesday. [Hogan pulls out two pieces of cake from behind his back] Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, thank you, Hogan. Col. Robert E. Hogan: To buy something. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Unexpected, Yes. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [sarcastically] Really? Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? Although I do appreciate your sense of humor. Peter Newkirk: [looking at the burnt money in his hand] It's the story of my life. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I have never had any trouble resisting you. You don't even know how to spell the word. Col. Wilhelm Klink: All heads will roll, that's quite democratic. Colonel Klink: The only orders that I am interested in are my own orders. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your lying! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Ah, I always have a glass before bedtime makes me sleep like a baby. A secret is sacred to me. "Major Hochstetter is here to arrest you, Colonel Hogan." Was it Hogan's imagination, or did Klink sound sympathetic? Andrew Carter: Three firecrackers and a can of lighter fluid. : General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: We've got who? : Col. Wilhelm Klink: [talking with Colonel Becker] General Burkhalter tells me that you are the commandant of a POW camp, just like me. I was not here! Kinch: Didn't you hear what Schultz said? We don't want our audience walking out on us. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I wouldn't believe one word you said, Hogan. Company Credits Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: If I do, I'm liable to shoot him myself. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the problem. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, Kommandant Klink, a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good. What witness? [He puts it on and looks in a mirror], Col. Robert E. Hogan: He's also given you a new name, Schultz. [spying on the equipment guarded closely by German soldiers]. Let me say, sir. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Alright, here it is. Sgt. And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz. General der Infantrie Albert Burkhalter: Physical fitness is one thing. Crazy credits In the credits, there is a 'Lieutenant Rosen' listed. You have chosen the most dangerous man in all of Germany as a witness. Col. Robert E. Hogan: There's a rule or something? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [after Newkirk and Carter have been caught escaping] They weren't really trying to escape. Andrew Carter: Well, that's what Newkirk says it means. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What do you think my faults are? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: That is me. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: That phone call. In the middle of World War II you give yourself a birthday party? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Then what's the bad news? I will crack this in not time at all. Colonel Klink: Of course, you want me to handle it with my usual Klink efficiency, General. Scene with great timing between the three actors (Howard Caine, Werner Klemperer, and John Banner). Basic vowel substitutes. Throw away the key. Sgt. Nothing says you like your voice. : : Schultz: You are going to be executed in the morning. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, General Burkhalter, what a pleasant surprise. Marya: Poor Putzie. Cpl. No, we don't got him. Lucky for you, I was *loaded*. You are succeeding in doing by yourself what millions of enemy soldiers are unable to do. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? Writers can stir the mind, but they can't direct it. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I broke up a beautiful friendship. No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13. It's in the neighborhood. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [as German general] Take this man's name, Putzi! [takes Hogan's hand, both leave Klink's office]. General von Behler: Stalag 13? Sgt. You may be able to solve it anyway. I want you to tell me in your own words exactly how did the radio detector truck get put out of action? Even that will not discourage me. Col. Robert E. Hogan: yeah, yeah ,yeah, yeah. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, Major Hochstetter. I *am in charge of security* Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Col. Wilhelm Klink: General Burkhalter, What an unexpected pleasure to see you again sir. Col. Robert E. Hogan: And then Wagner's brother shoots Colonel Klink. Mouth stuffed with cotton wool! Sgt. Here's my reward. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I feel the same way. Marya I've seen to it personally. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, you fools. Schultz: [Klink is in prison awaiting a possible execution] I have some good news and bad news. Col. Hogan! Werner Klemperer played Colonel Wilhelm Klink, the incompetent commandant of the camp, and John Banner played the bungling sergeant-of-the-guard, Sergeant Hans Schultz. Cut the wire. Col. Wilhelm Klink: This one. Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [after the death of Hercules] This plan better work. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [muttering] Oh yes, heil Hitler. Helga: As a warrior, you must feel it deeply. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: [skims through a collection of maps and finds Pittsburgh] Pittsburgh? You gotta expect a few little explosions. Colonel Klink: [trying to demoralize Hogan after air-raid] No damage was done and your bombers suffered severe losses at the hands of our illustrious Luftwaffe. That's why I was known to my classmates as 'The Eagle'. Col. Wilhelm Klink: A-ha, those Staff Officers they are so clever. Louis LeBeau: You're wasting your time, Major Hochstetter. [slide, Klink's desk is full of curdled-up papers] I got it. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [surprised] I thought I'd done *everything* in this war! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [annoyed] Now tell me: was it Tuesday or was it Wednesday? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm at your disposal, Captain. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, I'm grateful that a lion didn't walk into your barracks. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Colonel Klink, you're an evil man. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink. [while safecracking, the phone rings in Klink's office and Carter answers]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Shhh. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Speak up, Schultz. Sensational. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: He isn't going anywhere with the information, is he? Col. Robert E. Hogan: After two years here, who cares what they look like? It's even bigger than a breadbox! Col. Wilhelm Klink: Confidentially, I've never seen a Gestapo man that could. Col. Wilhelm Klink: What are you waiting for? Col. Wilhelm Klink: An award? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Technical Specs, [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up], IMDb Poll Board's Favorite Christmas Song Performances, Who Is Do You Think Is The Most Funny Incompetent, Or Competent But Harried Boss. Col. Robert E. Hogan You plant a bomb and a bridge blows up. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, it's obvious, major. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Why not? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Warm milk? They got him. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Because you could fly or because you were bald? Hans Georg Schultz: Colonel Hogan, if you ever escape Sgt. Dr. Hermann Felzer: [Klink has been chosen to lead a top secret assignment] You have been chosen for an assignment that involves the highest security project in the Third Reich. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: He won't talk to save his life or will he? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Operation Albatross? Do you allow this sort of thing? He doesn't have a clue. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. Who are you? Colonel Crittendon: No need to worry, I have a photographic memory. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, do not try to explain this incident to him. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What is this bungler doing here? Something like that. Colonel Klink: If those orders are not carried out, both you and the courier will be court-martialed, shot and sent to the Russian front! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Enough! Cpl. Hans Georg Schultz: Oh, I'm sorry, Freddy. KLINK Go get Colonel Hogan. Uh, did you come on military business, or is this a social call? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I taught him everything he knew about flying. Hans Georg Schultz: Why? I'm a cryptologist. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's a lot better than if he saw him lying in the sack goldbricking. I want you to give that a lot of thought on your way to the Eastern Front. Didn't I tell you I could break this code. These lines are drawn from the points where the sabotage has taken place. : We can't keep a prisoner! Hans Georg Schultz: He called you a liar! General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: EVERYBODY THOUGHT HE WAS STUPID! Mental fitness, that's another. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: How do you explain this, Klink? Learning to erase his Southern accent, he went on to became a master of 32 foreign and American dialects. What do I do? Col. Wilhelm Klink: I never said anything about Friday. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: No, you're funny enough. I danced every dance with her, while Major Hochstetter was sitting there with sauerbraten on his face. Cpl. Harold J Stone and Howard Caine make the believable and entertaining. General von Rauscher Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number. Col. Wilhelm Klink: It was a million-to-one shot that the candles would have hit the truck. Sgt. I'm trying to save your *life*! : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [hangs up] We've got him. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Isn't it about time you found out. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: You keep that up and Klink'll be down here in a minute and there goes the ball game! Be honest! Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh, no, no. Louis LeBeau: Yes he does! Peter Newkirk: I'm going to need a few things, you know. Sgt. Keep your costs down, put your house in order, or the next time you want caviar, you won't have to import it - you can catch your own on the Volga. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will all stay away from that rocket. General von Rauscher [pause] So what if you haven't told me who you're calling yet? Andrew Carter: Hey Thank you! His specialty is military protocol. Cpl. That's what I would like to hear. Mix 'em up. Sgt. Back, back, all of you. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Exactly two miles And she ate a sandwich in the car. And who are we gonna believe? Louis LeBeau: We don't drink anything we don't stomp on. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Flattery will gain you nothing, my dear, Colonel. For the next two weeks it's death takes a holiday. General von Rauscher: She is my interpreter, Hochstetter. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And a dancing lesson. Please. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Him I would let goldbrick. Demolished the building, wiped out the garrison, killed Kommandant Hedrick, knocked the Fuhrer's picture off the wall and everything. It was a message. How about "Lili Marlene"! Carter? Sgt. Sgt. General von Rauscher: Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? "However, the weather turned cold and my knee stiffened up, as it has since August the fourth 1917, when you panicked and almost killed the two of us in that training crash. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: It must be the underground. Hans Georg Schultz: [after failure to keep a straight face] I wasn't talking about you, Herr Commandant. Peter Newkirk: In that case, sir, why don't you tell us what you've thought of? Of course. Schultz: Col. Hogan if you ever escape Schultz: Be a good fellow and take me with you. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan thinks he can outsmart me. : Back, back, all of you. You will all stay away from that rocket. Col. Robert E. Hogan: A birthday gift for you. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Oh? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [the men are planting flowers] I was not aware that you were such a nature lover. : Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France? I've doubled the tower guards, the searchlights. What is this bungler doing here? Col. Robert E. Hogan: And I suppose, uh, she put her arms around you? What is going on there? "Colonel Klink, when I received your invitation, for a moment I had forgotten who you were. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Take my word, Klink, this is no time to be a sound sleeper. [reads the lines he worte down] "Mairzy Doats, Little Boy Blue" [eats the paper] I realise this is hard to believe, general, but Klink- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: HOCHSTETTER! Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty! [repeated line] Major Hochstetter : Who is this man and what is he doing here! Col. Wilhelm Klink: You fool! Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Who is that woman? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink. This news has me so excited. Col. Robert E. Hogan: We still gotta figure a way to make more ammunition. Quotes [] Mueller looks at picture of Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Maybe the Major didn't mean it when he said 'heads will roll.' Col. Robert E. Hogan: They know its safe. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Thank you. Well, Colonel, what you say, hmm? Col. Robert E. Hogan My lips are sealed. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You heard the commandant, now back to your post. Just let us all know when it's time for Roll Call, will you? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [discussing the Crittendon Plan] All I can say, Crittendon, is it better be good. Sgt. The Geneva Convention - not a word. Klink is bucking for rat fink. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's a terrible thing to do. If my head is to roll, all heads will roll. Sgt. Please take your truck and its cargo some other place. : Filled with fear, frightened to express any kind of opinion. You can't take it home, sir. Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What they're using here i a variation on the old Fessenhoffer Cipher. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't ask me, this is a decision for an officer. And I believe a full corporal. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of you. 1 May 2023. Publish Translation Find a translation for this quote in other languages: Select another language: - Select - (Chinese - Simplified) Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [trying to find the three scientist] I'll send to headquarters in Hammelburg. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Hogan? We have no choice in the matter. : Still, you're a likable clod. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I've got a present for you from Carter. It wasn't for me. All heads will roll, that's quite democratic. The man can't dance. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Newkirk, can you pick a lock? Col. Wilhelm Klink: What about her looks? Take that paper out of your mouth. Colonel Klink: When I looked out the window I thought I saw a chimpanzee raking in the garden. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [shouting] And more, I wanna tell you [Klink and Hochstetter shout into each other, so you can barely understand what they're shouting]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Except, major, I quite clearly had no part in this whole affair. Col. Robert E. Hogan: The call sir, it's after 7:00 you get the night rate. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, now that you mention it, so would I. It's some kind of instructions fro Nimrod. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Now, that's the worst blow of all. Of course not. Gen. der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You may learn a few things anyway. He knows what he's doing. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Then, if you still won't talk, you will be starved, tortured and then shot. Cpl. Col. Wilhelm Klink: No, sir. Schultz and Hilda look at each other, and shrug]. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [sarcastically] Oh, thank you very much. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, so you made a few stupid mistakes. General von Rauscher: I AM IN CHARGE OF SECURITY- Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Sgt. Louis LeBeau: I wasn't sure what that one meant myself. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: First suppose you tell me what you were doing there. Call the general, sir. Are you aware that I am in charge of this project, and that this is the inventor? - Oh, excuse me a moment, general. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter? You've got to get that mixture just right. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Interrupting] HOLD IT! I General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Shut mouth, Klink. Colonel Klink: [to Burkhalter, over the radio, about the party] I'm only sorry there is no ice cream. What good is a rusty monocle? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Not even if I said you were the greatest military mind in the Third Reich? Hogan: [about famous artists] It wasn't until after they were *dead* that they were famous. I don't know the answers to any of those questions, but I saw an episode the other day with a smoking hot frauline in it, who Hogan out-foxed and had arrested by Maj. Hochstetter. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink!, I am a Staff Officer. I sent her the kiss by mail? Pleasure, No. Close the gates! I have given it many hours of intelligent thought. Who am I? Louis LeBeau: Then why are they bringing it here? !" As an SS-Sturmbannfhrer, Hochstetter is outranked by two full grades by Colonel Klink. Hans Georg Schultz: It's going to snow again. Quotes.net. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Hogan, I will not go down alone. : Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [annoyed] I didn't say you said anything about Friday. No one in or out without my permission. Heil Hitler! Col. Robert E. Hogan: 'Sugar candy' is code for something special. Sgt. No matter who you're calling it's still the wrong number because I don't even have a phone! The most wanted man in Germany and we've got him. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Burkhalter arrives] Ah, General Burkhalter it is so good to see you again. Colonel Klink: Glad to have you with us, Captain. [Hands over papers with orders to Klink] Colonel Klink: Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's going to be the only bridge in the world with a built-in bomb. Sgt. Thank you. Sgt. Given the high rate of sabotage near the camp, Hochstetter is highly suspicious of Hogan and comes to regard him as "the most dangerous man in all Germany." Hochstetter's position in the Gestapo makes Klink clearly fearful of him, while Burkhalter, who openly despises Hochstetter, is not. Col. Wilhelm Klink Mental fitness - that's another. Coming from the Gestapo, that sounds very funny. Colonel Hauptmann is a very lucky man. He'll try to use the tunnel a day earlier and really escape. And I am operating *under direct authority of the German General Staff*. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I am sure it's not necessary to tell you what will happen to you should there be an escape, hmm? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Col. Wilhelm Klink: You're a little late, my friend. SCHULTZ May I ask, are we deserting to Switzerland or Sweden? Col. Robert E. Hogan: They *shot* Holtz trying to escape- you're next! Cpl. Not sufficient entertainment, perhaps. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, I am. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [looks in Newkirk's mouth] Aha! Col. Robert E. Hogan: I know who the fool is. *You* be the judge what's *important*! General Stauffen: The greatest military minds Germany has ever produced. I'm color-blind, you know. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: That is where he was truly brilliant. Quotes Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : You will all stay away from that rocket. Raus! You're still going to send me home, aren't you? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Hogan is kissing Tiger goodbye out on the compound]. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I know, and it still mystifies me. What if we find out what is is and if its important enough, we get London to bomb the camp? Now you may leave anytime, and take your spy, Private Berger, with you! Major Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, Herr General. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Klink thinks Burkhalter is there to make him marry his sister Gertrude] Well, you see, sir, this is very difficult for me to say, but, uh, I feel in my heart that I am not worthy of Gertrude. She looks like her brother. : Take a bottle and do not hurry back. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: In the first place my wife is neither delightful or charming. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What would you say is the one thing that made the Blue Baron the greatest fighter pilot in World War One? Col. Wilhelm Klink: The fat prosecutor, whoever that is. Louis LeBeau: A dancing lesson? Back, back, all of you. Hochstetter for example would have to be a Sturmbannfhrer. Sgt. Newkirk: Oh no, must be half past ten by now. Review 8 Howard Caine does a great job in this episode This is a nice story that was well acted. Baroness Lili von Schlichter: Colonel, I will be safe here? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, I could not believe it myself. Oh, they're great goose-steppers, but nothing on the dance floor. Peter Newkirk: What you mean by that, Colonel? Who is that woman? Take him away, Klink.
Celebrities Who Live In Ojai,
Red Oats Grass Adaptations In The Savanna,
Baptist South Cafeteria Menu,
Articles M