It has been a hard journey for me but now you have given me the hope on this and more importantly, actions to execute to ensure this does not get worse anymore. She's young and she'll go through a lot of changes just within the next few years alone. It seems that you have raised a young man who is independent, open-minded, tolerant . She had died her hair red (my son love's red heads and she decided to do this). Your email address will not be published. We are in a day where accusations can and will destroy a person. soin palliatif blainville; We ask them to come in to discuss this and the mother will not even sit down. He'd call in for a meal occasionally. Since she returned home with her younger child, she has been working my son who suddenly thinks raising one child is doable and the other child is not coming. Now mind you this girl is wayy better looking than your . The McIlhenny family is . What's your favorite food? That is all he sees. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. My son is my only child and he is a hard working young man and all she is doing is wasting his money and using him to look after her kids that belongs to two different men! After a week I went to meet him for lunch and found out that he was living in his car! My sons girl friend hates us. Help! Contrary to the perception that parents getting to know their kids partner is somewhat invading their boundaries, knowing your sons girlfriend can enhance a positive parent-son relationship. He doesn't recognize it but he is being passive-aggressive. MY SON HAS ALWAYS A RESPECTFUL CHILD. So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out. "Do you think she'll make a good mother to your children?" I sent hours on my patio scraping the mildew off and letting it sit in the sun to kill off what I could. I kept staring at her face and was turned off. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. He had told me during the long conversation that she didnt do family visits, doesn't speak to her only sister as she's jealous of her, She enjoys going out for expensive meals.He has since lost his job and is doing a course at Uni, we offered to help him out financially as much as we could afford, but to her that wasn't enough, she is high maintenance and has demanded money from us to pay her rent for him. My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative- Obvious Signs Parents Cant Ignore, 2. It's been a year now that I noticed this one girl, I think she's 15 or 16 yrs old, always come to our house to pet my dog. Normally, I don't feel that I would be so hard on a girl but this woman has a lot of gall!! At first we got along but then we discovered she steals thingsshe lies.and we no longer trust her in our home. Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. They will remember all of your loving care you gave them through the years and eventually, they will change their behavior towards you. We have tried to talk with our son about what we felt in the beginning was just typical new mom depression or her being overwhelmed. It is not uncommon for both men and women to want to rescue someone. Son's girlfriend doesn't like me. A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. Especially when my son's ex-gf came to me and told me how much she missed him and loved him. Visit them alone sometimes. So, anyway we moved to another house recently and this girl always comes to my house with her friends and sometimes they just hang out and eat at my house which is okay with me because they're my son's friends. Confronting them will not likely end well. Now he is staying gone and won't have anything to do with me. What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth. Published Jun 16, 2015. Talk to him one-on-one. APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. Now me and my husband because we do not approve. Is is possible to have a frank talk with him--no judgment, criticism or forcing of opinion--just to express how you'd like to get to know her? I tried to open up to her about certain topics, which got a little emotional due to my time of the month and she completely ignored me and started doing something else and ignored the fact that I was crying for help and comfort in a time of need. He has never been pressured to study anything he does not want to - made his own choices & is supported in his hobbies & passions; which she is not really supporting as they take time from her. We have tried to give our son his space, included her in many family gatherings, dinners, etc. If they aren't, let time run its course. There is more negative conversation than positive. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. then when his guy friends tried to warn him, he "lost touch" with them. It takes a humble soul--and love--to be able to offer an apology for any wrongdoings. I have been asking my son long before this day if he has girlfriend or if he likes someone so I would meet her to know more about her. Don't give up. Sadly, especially sons, they do break away at some point. He is smart. I have been helping my mom during this time. He has allowed her to disrespect me in every sense of the word. They come in and the girlfriend holds up a pregnancy test. Love your son without forcing ultimatums. Physical abuse and aggressive language are obvious signs parents should notice instantly. He is still dependent on us, only has a part time job, just finished school, starting uni and her influence of always needing him & her party lifestyle is rubbing off. However, I have traveled beyond the point of no return. I would say some of the things here but I don't want to offend anyone. Your son is going to college so he is working towards a goal. But it is gonna be a hard task to accomplish. I don't trust him with her anymore! He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father. I am going through hell and probably have lost my son for good. "She is such a hard worker.". I told my son that I would love him forever and when he chose a bride, I'd back him up no matter what road he decided to walk but to be sure about his choice and to know if a girl truly loves him and will make him happy and be a great mother to his children. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. Like taking my younger sons things and hiding them in her dresser, stupid things like his hair gel and she seems extremely jealous of my younger sons close relationship with Tyler. The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance! He/her is guessing. He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance". The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. They attended our sons high school graduation as well as his party. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I do not want this to spoil his siblings Christmas and upset his elderly Grandparents. Do you still talk to your son and express that his family loves and misses him? If she is emotionally abusive/manipulative, she will expertly use your criticisms of her to drive a wedge between you and your son. Moving on, as my son got the career opportunity, Scarlet came every week and they lived on the phone 24/7 because she cheated on him twice and he could not trust her. I think then the girlfriend deserves better than your son. I thought this was bad enough! Your son is underage as is his girlfriend who is having a clearly negative influence on him. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. He doesn't have to meet your approval or work against it. It really is as simple as that! She smokes like a chimney. Here are some ideas to lighten the mood and make her feel welcome. So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. After Christmas last year he suddenly informed us that he found an apartment closer to her. However, after the girlfriend left her messages on the grandmother's phone, she learned that the mother of her grandchild "hates" her. When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good. If she hasn't visited him, that is a clear sign--and should be to your son--about her loyalty. They don't want to look after their kids so why in the hell do they expect my son to look after them. Stop thinking he doesn't like you and your son. Thank YOU for posting. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. Do your best to show how your wife has increased the joy in your life and their lives (your parents'). I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). He pays them rent, buys all their groceries, makes the car payment(oh and both his name AND her Dad's name is on the title but my son said he is the one who makes the payment). Now he is in the Montana Youth Challenge Academy for three more months and all he can talk about is getting her to come visit! If this girl is important to him than she is important to you, too. She is foul mouthed and I mean drops the f-bomb like its candy even in from of us. I was in the process of selling my house and relocating us. This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. Sometimes, there is no way to save your loved one from his mistakes (and life is for learning and one tends to learn best through making mistakes). 8. When you can talk with him, let him know that you love him and do not mean to sound as though you disapprove of his relationship. (Of course, it wasn't always that way with my son whose gf needed a place to stay for a while but she wasn't a problem so I let my mandate slide.). Thank you! You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out. But they don't like my girlfriend we had some issues in the beginning but I don't blame my girlfriend there were alot of outside interference. Don't force him to choose between you and the girl. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. He owes his other brothers between the two of them close to 8,000! Young boys with low self-esteem are attracted to girls that make them feel good about themselves. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on June 05, 2012: Why don't they like her? We asked to meet him last weekend, we travelled a long way to visit him but he text and told us he was busy with her and her son. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on January 13, 2013: For those struggling with difficult son's girlfriend issues, please read about a very helpful dream in which a mother was given remarkable advice to follow. Were you too harsh? Because it seems odd that you don't mind if she calls your father a motherf*##* or yells at me. My son now knows this and will never let love for a girlfriend break our relationship. If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? She sounds like an extremely insecure person who needs to self-protect. I also would remind him that parents are the only sure relationship that would never end. Reach out and make the effort. Accepting your son's girlfriend may be challenging at first, but bringing her into your family will also bring you closer to your son. After 2 months I could not take it any more and told her that she had to leave. Often, controlling people fear losing power and a need to influence the world . Editorial post:My Son Hates His Stepfather. My problem started when I noticed that my son was getting close to her. You know your teenage son better than anyone, and the thought of someone coming in and stealing his heart is simply no bueno. I tried to talk to my son several times but he brushed me off. "The kids really love her." Whatever you do and say, do and say it with all the love you can muster from being his parents. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. 2,799. And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. no dreams now. Today I mad him leave with no where to go and cried after her left and watched him load that tiny car. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! If you feel you need to know intimate details about her, ask your son in private. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. We need to reflect on his relationship with his family prior to this relationship with this girl. For instance, impose curfew hours in your home. Will she take him away from us? Everything she puts my grandson is has stains on and is usually filthy. We had work of our own to do. Needs constant contact, validation, and attention. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. This is the mother of your child and the mother of her grandchild. Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. Please advise. Then, something said, "Call to the kitten." My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son! I suggested prosponing renting out his flat go back and see how things go. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas camethen she wanted to go to the big family Christmas gathering. Its vital to have this sit-down immediately when you suspect any of the manipulative signs. It's hard for him because it's his first love. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. What change they would like in their life at the moment. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the house, I am not allowed to attend family birthdays or other events like Christmas, Easter etc. I got him home, cleaned him up (she had dragged him down in just a few short months) - he was dirty and stinky! Accepting. His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. If she heartlessly uses your sons emotions to make him agree to her terms. Never put her on the spot, especially when other family members are present. Then she began threatening suicide Not long after my son followed suit and began cutting, threatening suicide, and having violent outbreaks. So I made the mistake of telling him what I thought of her and there it all began. The request for him to be home is solely for him to have some healthy space for himself and to focus on study occasionally. "Mom, this girl makes me happy." Thanks for the most valuable advice. The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. He has a girlfriend and we allowed her to come stay in our home 3 nights a week. I feel so hurt and don't know what to do. Three months to a 16-year-old sounds like eternity, and a broken girl like her will seek out another fixer. How can I turn a blind eye to all that I know about this woman? To initiate that conversation, Burns suggested positioning yourself as a buffer to help break the ice between your lover and your loved ones. He sees your disapproval as criticism of his life choice. ParentalQuestions.com 2021 All rights reserved. You have had decades with him while she has had only a year or so. They would argue and fight. She may even be jealous of your guy friends.
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